Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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