Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
