i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
