bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she told me i tasted like america
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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