I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
