the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
