I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
