If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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