Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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