I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
