so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
