So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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