Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
