Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
