i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
