xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
