Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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