Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
