i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
