Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
