If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
