Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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