just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
