It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
