piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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