wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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