These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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