Soap is not a condiment
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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