At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
As shirtless as possible
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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