i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
