Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
