Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize