6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Small penises have feelings too.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
