I feel like abortions should bother me more
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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