i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
