My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
