Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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