youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
