Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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