soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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