using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
