My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
