I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
