He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
