Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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