Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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