I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
