Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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