so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
