how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
