I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
