You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
