i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
