some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
