Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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