I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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