So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
