You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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