Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize