like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
