You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
