i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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