I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
