He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
