I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
