I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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