he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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