Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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