shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
