Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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