if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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