I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
