You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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