I can text with my tongue
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
