quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How does one acquire holy water?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize