my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
