Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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