i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
