I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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