Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
