Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
COCAINE IS GR8
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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