accomplished twins. life is a go
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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