hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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