I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
