clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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