she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
