thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
