Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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