First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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