wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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