I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
