it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
