I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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