Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
