You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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