They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
