i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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