You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
pray to the hookup gods
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
