Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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