I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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