i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
