New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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