I wish my penis had an off switch
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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