Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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