I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
