Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
your like the ambassador to my penis.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
