now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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