Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
