he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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