I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
