my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
