I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
