Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
